


light from within

by carpesoo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Body Dysmorphic Disorder, M/M, Non AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-27 01:36:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7598329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpesoo/pseuds/carpesoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>jongin wishes baekhyun could see how beautiful he is, both inside and out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	light from within

**Author's Note:**

> an old fic written back in 2015.  
> warning: body dysmorphic disorder

  
  
  
Baekhyun looks at himself in the mirror and is disgusted by his reflection. He’s beyond ugly, or so he thinks, he’s never been happy with his appearance. It’s gotten worse since joining Exo and being constantly surrounded by eleven stunningly gorgeous faces.  
  
He pops open the cap of the BB cream and starts slathering his face with the liquid, masking his face until his bare skin is no longer visible. It’s not enough though, Baekhyun still thinks he needs additional makeup; he needs to conceal more of his hideous face. He adds layer after layer but it will never be enough. He slams the tube of foundation onto the vanity desktop and picks up a black kohl eyeliner; he removes the lid and begins rimming his eyes with thick harsh strokes.  
  
Baekhyun has read comments about his physical appearance - “Wow, Baekhyun is so ugly without makeup” or “When he’s not wearing eyeliner, his eyes disappear ㅋㅋㅋ” - he’s seen too many of these remarks to delude himself into thinking that there’s no truth to them.  
  
He looks at his new image, the result of his handiwork but it’s not good enough. It’ll never be good enough. He picks up the tube of BB cream and slaps another blob onto his face. He resumes smoothing it over his skin; he’s too busy focused on transforming his guise to notice the door creak open and the sounds of soft footsteps approaching him.  
  
Baekhyun glances in the mirror and he can see that the BB cream has started to cake on the surface of his face. He growls in exasperation as he angrily pulls face wipes from the packet and scrubs at his skin to start over again. He’s not gentle in the manner he removes his makeup, he’s rubbing his face red and raw.  
  
Once he’s satisfied that no traces of makeup remains, he shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath. He chokes back a sob once he opens his eyelids, he’s filled with repulsion at the sight he’s greeted with. This will not do, this will not do at all.  
  
He grabs the foundation, tears streaming down as his face. Why is he so hideous? Why can’t he be beautiful like the other members of his band? Why does he have to rely on heavy makeup and retouching to look adequate? He’s given up holding back his tears and fumbles with the cap. He’s about to hurl it at the mirror out of sheer frustration when he feels a sudden grasp, a large hand wrapping around his thin wrist.  
  
Baekhyun looks behind him to identify the source of the grip; it’s Jongin. His breath hitches when their eyes meet; Jongin is staring at him with his signature piercing I-can-look-into-the-depths-of-your-soul gaze. Baekhyun thinks that Jongin is absolutely beautiful, mesmerising beyond belief. He is unable to accurately express Jongin with words because there are no words in existence that could fully capture the boy’s perfection, and any attempts to describe the younger boy would not do him justice.  
  
Kim Jongin is the epitome of everything that Baekhyun isn’t, they’re complete opposites. To say Baekhyun feels inferior standing beside the taller male is an understatement, he’s undeserving to share the same stage or to even breathe the same air as someone as majestic as Exo’s Kai.  
  
Baekhyun pulls away from Jongin’s clutch and exhales a deep sigh. He regains his composure under the younger boy’s watchful eye, pulls a couple of sheets from the tissue box and dabs his face dry. He scrunches up the used tissues, tosses them into the rubbish bin before carefully picking up the tube of BB cream and squeezes a small amount onto his fingers. He begins working the substance into his skin, still trying to ignore the presence of the other male.  
  
Baekhyun hears a subtle cough behind him, Jongin is probably trying to catch his attention. The older boy carries on adding another layer to his face, giving the other boy no signs of acknowledgement. Jongin coughs again, louder this time; Baekhyun plays deaf, pretending that he’s not heard a peep from the boy.  
  
“Hyung, are you going somewhere?” Jongin asks after he decides he’s had enough of being ignored by the smaller boy.  
  
“No,” Baekhyun shoots back emotionlessly.  
  
“So why are you putting on makeup?” Jongin continues. Baekhyun can almost _feel_ the younger boy’s stare and his body begins to palpitate.  
  
“I need it,” Baekhyun states as it’s the most obvious thing in the world; the smaller boy doesn’t notice the deep frown that has formed on Jongin’s face.  
  
“Don’t be silly, hyung. You don’t need it,” Jongin attempts to persuade the other male. “You’re already cute.”  
  
“Shut up, Jongin,” Baekhyun spits, filled with bitter jealousy. “What do you know? How do you know how I feel?” He smooths more product onto his face and shakes his head at his reflection.  
  
“Baekhyun hyung, please… stop,” Jongin whispers, the last word barely audible. He grabs the tube from the older boy’s hand and Baekhyun is about to protest but stops when he’s notices Jongin’s face. There’s a painful sadness behind the younger boy’s eyes that Baekhyun has never observed before. He’s seen a magnitude of Jongin’s expressions but sorrow is not one of them. Sure, Jongin is pretty moody from time to to time, but it’s a far cry from the melancholic look that Baekhyun is currently witnessing. “Why can’t you see how beautiful you are? You don’t need any of this,” Jongin points to the cosmetics sitting on the vanity, “You’re perfect just the way you are, hyung.”  
  
Baekhyun gasps at the heartfelt revelation that the other boy has just proclaimed. How could someone as flawless as Jongin call Baekhyun beautiful and perfect? How is that even possible? It can’t be true, it just can’t be. Jongin has to be lying, that’s the only conclusion that makes any sense to the elder.  
  
He jolts up from his seat, the unexpected movement shocking Jongin. The smaller male purses his lips together and glares at the taller boy, “You can’t say things like that when we both know it’s not true. It’s not funny and I don’t appreciate you making a mockery out of me.”  
  
Baekhyun turns on his heel to storm out of the room but his exit is thwarted when he feels a strong pair of arms enveloping his body. He feels a warm breath in his ear, “I meant every single word, hyung. I wish you could see yourself in the same way that I see you.”  
  
The shorter male feels the large hands rise to his shoulders, turning his body to face the other boy. His eyes widen when he sees that Jongin is _crying_. “I–”  
  
Baekhyun is cut off by a pair of warm plush lips crashing against his own. The older boy feels a current running through his body; Jongin is kissing him. Jongin is actually _kissing_ him. The older boy closes his eyes and sighs into the other male’s mouth. Jongin’s hands have moved to the back of Baekhyun’s head, his lips pressing firmly on the former’s.  
  
The older boy starts moving his lips in sync with the other, reciprocating the kiss. He parts his lips slightly and Jongin wastes no time in capturing his tongue with his own. Jongin gently nibbles on the shorter boy’s lower lip and Baekhyun runs his tongue across the taller boy’s top lip. The kiss grows more passionate, Baekhyun’s knees are about to give way but the other boy steadies him.  
  
They finally pull away from each other, breaking for air. Baekhyun runs a finger across his swollen bottom lip, looks up and locks eyes with the other. Jongin takes one of Baekhyun’s hands and interlocks their fingers together, he cups the older boy’s face with his other hand, stroking his cheek with his thumb. “Believe me when I say this, there’s not a thing that I would change about you. I love you, Baekhyun hyung, _all_ of you.”

  
____

**Author's Note:**

> ❥ _[carpesoo.flavors.me](http://carpesoo.flavors.me/)_


End file.
